"Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it."
- A family that desperately cares
- The ladies of the Pinterest writing team
- The Denny’s receipt on my bed that reminds me I’m still not very classy
- Cheryl Strayed / Sugar, for writing like a motherfucker
- Blue-Green smoothies from The Plant, my only source of greens during the week
- Monday, Wednesday, Friday workouts with Hassan
- Cultural conflict, for that extra perspective
- Slow-jogs to the Golden Gate Bridge
- Deepak Chopra and Oprah, for the daily omms
- My fabulous eyebrows
- Leaving New York when times were good
- Knowing when to say goodbye to unreliable people
- Saying goodbye even when you’re not ready
- Being pretty unabashed about the Backstreet Boys
- Papercuts, which seem rarer each year
- My iPad, for getting me to read again (it hurts to say this)
- "Make Believe" from In a World Like This
- Personalized notebooks from Mayfair
- The Place Pins team and launch party
- The Best of Depeche Mode
- Self-awareness in all things
- Connie Britton’s hair
- BK, IC-B, TG, LBK, EG, MP, VN, MG, SB, BB, SA, AH, PG, JP
- Puerto Rico with my favorite minorities
- Hearing the adhan in Istanbul
- The last few minutes of This is the End
- Hot air balloons in Cappadoccia
- Frank Marquardt, for everything
- "What Does the Fox Say?"
- Dinners at The Brickyard
- Genuinely being happy for the engaged
- Seeing past schmoozers
- Anyone who questions authority and the status quo
- Monthly delight from PopSugar’s Must-Have Box
- Macaroni and cheese, always
- Skiptifitor Fridays
- Jesus and Muhammad in the Hagia Sophia
- Julie Klausner’s “How Was Your Week?” podcast
- Miley Cyrus
- A job that feeds me, mentally and actually
- A CEO I believe in
- The absurdity of Scandal
- A brother who can truly bail me out
- When he calls you back after a year, and you get to reject him this time
- Tuesday night Zumba with Pablo
- Viva Goa’s chicken biryani
- SFO, an airport I could live in
- Thai massages from Lamai Thai Massage on Chestnut St.
- Knowing that I have enough
- Mozzarella sticks
- Amazon Prime
- Keeping birthdays simple and small
- A healthy digestive system
- People who forgive me for being so bad at returning calls and texts
- People who know never to text me
- Health insurance
- Journalist friends, who are fighting the good fight and enriching me with stories
- Neena, my New York therapist, for telling me: “I don’t ever worry about you.”
- Frances Ha, The Spectacular Now, 12 Years a Slave
- Friends who visit
- Iced Grande Nonfat Green Tea Latte Shaken, Light Ice, Unsweetened (and the baristas who can dig it)
I have a history of writing things that hurt people.
When I was in high school, I kept a blog that was widely read (and often scorned) by my group of friends. In it, I was reckless with my emotions and opinions, often exaggerating about certain events, and I received enough hateful anonymous comments in return to trick myself into thinking I was someone important, someone who was better than the place I came from.
In college, I kept a different blog that was more discreet but served as a harrowing chronology of my battle with depression and heartbreak.
Then I stopped writing. Aside from a few well-received personal essays (well, my family wasn’t crazy about them), I’ve kept relatively quiet on the self-publishing front. And it’s been a good thing, I think. I’m an undisciplined, emotional writer, and I tend to write only when I’m feeling very badly. The fact that I haven’t regularly written in years only speaks to how much progress I’ve made in becoming a human adult with more control over my emotions.
I would like to write again, though, and I’d like to do it in a way that’s not completely destructive. I’ve been processing a lot of events from my past, and I’d like to write about them without being completely afraid of what people will think of me or how people will react.
Consider this my only preface.
"The summary of my life is three statements: I was immature, I became experienced, I was consumed."
Finished Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, and I feel totally gutted. Having a lot of complicated feelings about my family, specifically my mother and how I’ve been treating her all these years. Also spending a ton of time alone right now, by choice, and I can’t tell if it’s a form of pre-depression or just a reality of adulthood. I don’t need people as much as I did when I was young.
On a positive note, I think that Wild may be the book that gets me to write again.
7 years. Still here.
"A huge appetite for success and an equally deep desire for simplicity."
"A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane, and ill-advised, and the whole species’ existence counts on them doing it. I don’t know how women still go out with guys when you consider that there’s no greater threat to women than men. We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women, we’re the worst thing that ever happens to them. If you’re a guy, try to imagine that you could only date a half-bear, half-lion, like, “Ugh, I hope this one’s nice."
"The past is always tense, the future perfect."
"If you’re avoiding the pain, you’re also avoiding the joy."
I haven’t been in a committed relationship in six years; do you think I give a fuck about a single day?